


The Curious Case of the Boardchurch

by Anonymous



Category: Board church, Doctor Who
Genre: Accurate Britishisms, Deliberate Badfic, Deliberately Bad Fanart, F/F, F/M, Gwen not dying, casefic, love in the time of space whales
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 01:00:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3590376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>what happens when rose and dr solve a mystery</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Curious Case of the Boardchurch

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mrs_mozzie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrs_mozzie/gifts).



> ok so the prompt was for a crossover with board church but id actually k what Boardchurch is to be h. but it sounds like a good name 4 a mystery show so i wrote this, my first casefic!!! hope u like it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! there is also a love sotry but don't worry, its themeatically rel8ed <3

“G'day, bokkie!” said rose Tyler Englishly as the dr deftly shaved off the beard that bound him to a mortal body and became once again master of space and time.

hello there rose, sd the Dctor, i thought you were in the other Universe with my clone the war criminal

“dont get ur broekies in a nott, guvner,” said rose in her characteristically insouscient london idom. “iDestroyed all the other bloody universes by accident 2 see u. By the way, old sport, what is up with that church?? It doesn't look like a church at all it looks like a Board."

This was a mystery to the dr. as well. They decided to look 4 clues and they found 18 different clues, which they wrote down on the board itself so they would not lose them even if there were memory loss rays or if space ate time or whatever happens in this show.

"we have 18 clues," said the dr. "which is enough for a formal clue inquest." they agreed not to talk about the clues until the inquest, but if U have been reading carefully, you should be able 2 guess what they are!!! 

  
_rose and the dr study the mystery of board church_

mean while Gwen cooper was in whales trying to save the earth with the help of Jarvis who was a computer from the 40s. JArvis had come 2 love gewn with a pervasiveness only the most massive AI could acheive, but Even though he was a very advanced computer for the 40s standards, Gnewn could not over come her life long prejudice against computers to return his love. they had many long discussions of computer love metaphyscics and the empotional quandry of being a computer from the 40s in love with a human from the 2000s, which caused gewyn to be distracted from her job of saving earth from the innocent but highly deadly gravityphagic whales of Cetacron XV. 

  
_which is more important, love or saving the world?? trick question they are both important_

"The prejudice of humans against computers is one of the greatest of man's prejudices, comparable even 2 the prjeudice of the English against the Welsh said Jarvis seductively in the form of long tickertape printouts that shuddered forth like [MYTHOLOGY REFERENCE GOES HERE]

"I am sorry," said Gyewn, "its just the way I was raised." Yet even as she said it she could feel her resolve breaking like a computer that has fallen on the ground.

"out of sorrow entire worlds have been built  
out of longing great wonders have been willed."

beseeched the Tiker tape as it wound its way serpentinely through Gawn's thick hair like 10000 dulcet paper fingers 

Alas the revery was shatered by the realisation that Jarvis had wasted almost all of his tiker tape on song lyrics and could no longer communicate! also they had been talking so long the space whales were almost here!! "only the Dr. can help us now, thought Gwyyn." and touchingly jarvis used the last of his ticker tape to spell out a message of hope:

_the dog days are over_  
_the dog days are gone_  
_the space whales are coming  
_so u better run_ _

as Gewn ran as fast as she could from cardiff to England the actual last of jarvis's tape supply eked out of his tiny mechanical mouth to speak what for all they knew might be the last words of any being in the entire galaxy:

_I've found a reason for me_  
_To change who I used to be_  
_A reason to start over new  
_And the reason is u_ _

with that last expression of love Jarvis aceheved enough humanness to shed a single tear, which fell into his electronic and water-sensitive heart causing all of the circuts and tubes or whatever to spark and smoke, shutting down the whole system of electric lights for the city of Cardiff as though in warning of the darkeness 2 come.

Meanwhile back in england Rose and Dr. were busy investigating the mystery of the board church and it turned out to be a mistake, there was not supposed 2 be a church there at all, some1 had just left a board on the ground. Having solved the case of the board church they went home 2 the tardis for tea and sponge cake. There was a Terry's chocolat orange that the dr had bought 2 celebrate roses return to the reglar universe but he tragically left it on the tadris main engine thingy and it melted :( 

"rose How can u ever forgive me," He wepped over the melted goo of broken deliciousness forever diffuesed into the machinery of the Tradis like the ancient tears of his own lost ppl

"Crikey dick though, its no big thing" smirked rose. "u can buy them at the spar for 90p"

This did not help however because the Chocolate Orange was a metaphor. "How can anyone forgive me," Cryed the dr from the depths of his 2 herats which were like 2 giant black holes of remorse in his chest, after all the worlds I have destoryed, worlds indeed like this orange in their sweetness and complexity (this is a metaphor b/c the choc. orange tastes like 2 things at the same time whereas planets also contain a multiplicity of “flavors” in the form of cultures, biology, different perspectives, science and art, etc., as well as they are both round)

the dr lay down in the puddle of orange flavored chocolate and on that day the oncoming storm was a storm of Tears.

luckily 4 everyone Gwen came running up just then from Cardiff with the news of the space disaster she and Jarvis had caused from too much talking about the philisophical rammifications of computer/human intercourse and song lyrics. "Gwen old duck," said Rose, "it's a bowser good thing that Brittain is such a small country or u might not have got here in time."

together they used the sonic screwdriver 2 trick the wales into thinking they had already eaten all the gravity in the galaxy and they went away mournful and majestic. for a moment Gnew remembered jarVIS and his great sacrifice of the last of his tickler tape, but in the next moment she remembered that it had not actually helped at all and neither had the Dr.. Rose had saved the galxy all by herself with a little help from GWean! gewn found herself looking at Rose with new eyes. 

"rose u are so amazing said Gnew and they kissed a lot!!!!! Then Gwwne did not die because she is the best and asking 4 her to die is stupid; that part of the prompt was obviously a joke! :D :D :D She and Rose made out in the grass outside the Tadris under the watchful spyres of the Board Church and Jarvis was so jeallous that he shut down the entire internet for 541 days because being from the 40s made him feel old.

  
_eventualyl jarvis was reconciled and Gwen still did not die._

Then Rose told Gwen about the mystery of Board church that had occupied their minds so interestingly that they did not notice the approach of the space whales. gWen agreed that it was a very interesting mystery and should be made into a TV show and they would all play themselves! She also guessed what the 12 clues were that the Dr. and Rose found, did you????? then they kissed some more, idk casefic is hard.


End file.
